mother heart

Today I'm driving in my car, we are going to the hardware store, one of the many places we brought Naomi in our two days with her and I begin to cry. 

I want to check up on her and see what she's doing right now. 

Again, I have to remind myself and say out loud 

{ because Dan's not there to hear me.}

"Someone else is taking care of her just as well as I could"

Today I looked up the meaning of the name Rae which is the middle name I gave her. I'm filling out the Child Admission Form  about her placement and one of the questions is

 "meaning of the name?". When God spoke it to me, my own thoughts said 

" Its because she is a little ray of Sunshine, but no. God spoke something better that I was unaware of at the time. 

" Wise protection" is the meaning. wow. 

This girl just gets better. The hope for her life, astounding. 

I've learned through this that a mother's heart doesnt just come with giving birth. NO, it's a gift that God gives to women. Its one of those unexplainable, innate things which God molded and formed within you to trigger at the right, crucial and necessary moments. Its what enables a woman to fight for the innocent with all that she has even at the cost of her own safety. Its what stirs within you to wake you out of bed, or get you out of bed for the 15th time in a night. Its what breaks when when you sense pain, loss or discomfort in the one you love. Its whats making my heart ache right now because I cared for a baby who was two days old and I could have loved her as my own, instead she may wait 6 or 9 months of her life to belong to a family.

Please God, please transcend the system and give her a family in one month's time.

Amen.